omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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