Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
