i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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