hotel room ftw
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
