Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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