Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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