thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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