i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
