She is in my trunk
Soap is not a condiment
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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