you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
