He asked me if I "almost moaned"
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I love you. Go after that dick
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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