i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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