Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
