i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
