And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
