On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
