Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
