yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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