Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
