the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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