Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
