You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
