im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
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