Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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