youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Four minutes until I can fart!
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
