hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Randomize
