Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
