8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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