Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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