JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
