Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
