She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
