Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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