You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Someone shattered a urinal.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Randomize
