I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
