You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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