He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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