So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
