I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Come on in and take your pants off
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