I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
