New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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