Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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