I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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