i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
