I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
