The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
