matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
