as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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