I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
