just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
