Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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