Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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