i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
